Why I'm Disconnecting to Try to Help My Looming Depression This Thanksgiving

Photo: Heidi Sandstrom

Last week, I had trouble getting up in the morning to get my workday started. And then this past weekend, I spent the majority of it in my bed.

Usually, my weekend schedule is jam packed with fun happenings. But then staying in bed makes me more sad, resenting myself that I am not outside doing fun and splashy things. I looked at social media and saw my friends and acquaintances and people I hardly know being active, something I usually am. This made me feel only more hopeless.

Something must be wrong with me I feared. Maybe mono? Syphillis? So I scheduled a doctor's appointment. I told my mom what was happening and she responded, "You sound depressed."

Me? Depressed? Never. 

During my appointment, I began telling my doctor what was going on. She listened to my heart and breathing, felt my lymph nodes, looked over my recent test results, and came to the same conclusion my mom did. "You sound like your depressed," she said.

Mom is always right.

I listed to my doctor what else is going on:

I just turned 30.

Daylight Savings Time.

I'm still adjusting to a new city (New York City).

I just made a huge transition with work.

The weather is colder.

Oh yeah... and the election.

I realized my recipe for disaster was a laundry list full of actually valid reasons to be down in the dumps. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so I turned to my doctor and said, "You're right. I think I am depressed."

My doctor told me I needed to take some moments to myself, self care is pivotal and maybe getting off social media would help. Numerous studies have linked social networking to depression, social isolation, eliciting feelings of envy, insecurity and poor self-esteem.

One of the ways I am going to cope is to sign off from social media for the holidays. I understand many people may need their social media communities during the holidays, but for me, I am going to take a few steps to be more connected in real life.

This Thanksgiving, I don't have to worry about my family being pro-Trump lovers who will flaunt their victory in my face. If anything, they are more liberal than me. My mother volunteered for Hillary's campaign for an entire month before election day. I know that many people in the LGBTQ community will be fearing the opposite reality in their homes this holiday. For me, I am thankful I don't have to worry about that. I'm actually looking forward to being surrounded by my family and my friends this year. I honestly feel like I need them now more than ever.

So, I deleted the Facebook, Twitter and Instagram apps from my phone once I arrived in Philadelphia, hoping this small gesture helps me reconnect. To disconnect from the variables on social media and connect me with the things that matter.

Now, I am on the social media platforms A LOT. So it is going to be hard. If you are feeling like me or in a similar situation, I say join me.  

On Monday, I will return to social media. I will return to posting about politics and making videos and Instagramming everything.

But for now, I'm just going to be - in real life.