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'RuPaul's Drag Race' star Valentina reveals 'being born male' was her greatest challenge
In the return of RPDR's Portrait of a Queen series, the season nine Miss Congeniality gets vulnerable about her journey with her gender identity.
"I think the biggest challenge of my life has been being born male."
RuPaul's Drag Race's "Portrait of a Queen" series returns with season nine "Miss Congeniality", All Stars 4 contestant, and Drag Race Mexico host Valentina, this line immediately setting the tone for what would follow in the interview. She is vulnerable, and sincere as she continued telling the story of how she has dealt internally and externally throughout her life with being queer.
The 33-year-old drag star continued, saying "I had this conversation with my brother where I was thinking I identify with Ariel from The Little Mermaid, but my brother cracked me by telling me that I was really more like Pinocchio, trying to prove to my father that I was a real boy."
So it was this putting on of the masculinity — walk this way, talk this way, study this, go to this restroom — I think it really took me away from my authentic self, I think that's been really challenging my whole life."
Last year, Valentina opened up about her experience with gender in a beautiful interview with the LA Times. She started identifying as nonbinary. She told the Times, "The nonbinary spectrum allows me to shape-shift and explore many parts of myself. Think of themuxes of Oaxaca, who embrace the third gender. Being nonbinary is full of so many opportunities. If you want them, you can give them a try; if you want to conform, that is OK too. It’s a very common experience to be binary. But to be nonbinary is very freeing, it’s quite punk rock. It rattles up society and how it’s constructed.”
In the same interview, she also spoke frankly about how much of this journey was in response to the loss of her father in 2019. She felt the pressure many trans people feel to conform or stay closeted to please their family. "I found that staying masculine was a badge of honor and respect to my father...now that he's gone, I don't feel I would shame him for who I am. To embrace my femininity was to give myself another chance and live my life on my terms."
In the Times interview, Valentina also reveals that the death of her father was so devastating that she even contemplated suicide. "I felt like I died," she said, adding, "There was no captain of my ship. I didn’t know where to take my life. I’ve been depressed since I was little, but that was the deepest. It is why I started to work with The Trevor Project in Mexico to prevent suicide and crisis in queer youth — I’ve been to that darkest point, and I want to save lives."
In the "Portrait of a Queen" trailer, she revisits that time in her life, saying "I'm really ashamed of having suicidal thoughts before. I'm really ashamed of it because I don't ever want to go back to that low point in my life where I don't see the valley of how life is beautiful. And now that I get to live authentically in the feminine realm, I get to enjoy every day, wake up as her."
Many trans people explore their gender through drag before coming out, transitioning, or sometimes even realizing that they're transgender. Valentina is far from the first nonbinary queen, and plenty of RuPaul's Drag Racecontestants have come out as trans along with her. Valentina expresses a deep love and reverence for the role that drag and being Valentina has played in her gender journey.
"Valentina is born out of my yearning for protagonism, [for] my curioustiy to femininity that's never gone away," she said. About where the inspiration for her iconic aesthetic comes from, she said, "Valentina, I think, is the combination of an old Hollywood formula mixed with telenovela star. [Valentina] Started as a fantasy, but I just became her, and I just love being the princess of south east Los Angeles."
Valentina's trailer can be watch below, and her full episode of "Portrait of a Queen" can be watched here.
@rupaulsdragrace #PortraitOfAQueen returns with #Valentina 🌹 Now LIVE on the #DragRace YouTube channel 🤍 If you or someone you know is struggling emotionally, visit paramount.findahelpline.com for resources and support. #rpdr #drag #dragqueen #dragrace9
Rowan Ashley Smith has often been described as "a multi-hyphenate about town." He loves work that connects him to his cultures as a gay, Jewish, multiracial trans man. Before breaking into journalism, the best days of his professional life were spent as a summer camp professional, a librarian, and an HIV prevention specialist. His work has been featured in GO Magazine, pride.com, and The Advocate. In what is left of his free time, Rowan enjoys performing stand up comedy, doing the NYT crossword, and spending time with his two partners, two children, and four cats.
Rowan Ashley Smith has often been described as "a multi-hyphenate about town." He loves work that connects him to his cultures as a gay, Jewish, multiracial trans man. Before breaking into journalism, the best days of his professional life were spent as a summer camp professional, a librarian, and an HIV prevention specialist. His work has been featured in GO Magazine, pride.com, and The Advocate. In what is left of his free time, Rowan enjoys performing stand up comedy, doing the NYT crossword, and spending time with his two partners, two children, and four cats.
