Ranking the 'Drag Race' season 16 episode 1 Variety Show numbers

It’s the Variety Show, mama!

The grand premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race season 16 was kicked off with a cast of exciting, gorgeous, dynamic, unfiltered, and absolutely fierce queens. Even though some of them were clearly a bit nervous about their very first maxi challenge and runway, this first group of seven queens delivered some incredible moments!

Just like in seasons 14 and 15, the first maxi challenge in season 16 was the iconic Variety Show. Four of the seven queens performed lip-sync numbers of their original songs, and Drag Race fans had a few complaints about that. In fact, one particular tweet went viral claiming that lip syncing to an original song “isn’t a talent.”

While we could agree, as fans, that we’d love to see a wider variety of performances on the Variety Show, the blanket statement that “lip syncing to an original song isn’t a talent” is just really wild and baseless. With that cleared up and out of the way, we did have some opinions about how we’d rank these Variety Show performances featured on Drag Race season 16 episode 1.

We feel the need to qualify that lists and rankings are all subjective and open to each person’s interpretation. We’ve reached the 16th season of Drag Race, an Emmy-winning show that displays incredible LGBTQ+ talent every single season. That is to say that all of these queens did at least a good job in their Variety Show performances, and none of them bombed like comedian Jo Koy hosting the Golden Globes, for example. We also want to make it clear that we are only ranking the queens’ Variety Show numbers — not their entrance looks, or mini challenge performances, or runway looks.

With that in mind… we do think that some contestants did better than others, and here’s how we’d rank them!

Scroll through to see how we’d rank the Variety Show numbers from episode 1 – and make sure to tune into RuPaul’s Drag Race season 16 every Friday on MTV.

7. Morphine Love Dion

Just like Morphine Love Dion, I am also Latino and live in Miami. This is my 305 queen, and we also stan Morphine here on PRIDE. But even though her Variety Show performance was good, there was just something missing from it. I’d love to ask Morphine if she was nervous, or if something she was going to do fell through last-minute. Again: the performance was good, but it didn’t rank high in comparison to the other numbers of the episode.

6. Xunami Muse

Xunami Muse had one of the strongest songs in the entire Variety Show, point blank period. I’m all about lyrics, and mama, this original song from Xunami is INCREDIBLE. The reason her number is ranked low is that the actual performance and moves didn’t really go along with such powerful lyrics and high-energy beats. Unlike the other queens, she also didn’t seem to have any scenery or props for this Variety Show number? Honestly, just like with Morphine, I’d love to ask Xunami if something fell through or went wrong in the days leading up to filming the episode… because it felt like something was missing here.

5. Dawn

Dawn’s song was quirky and fun, but not necessarily the strongest in the group if you’re thinking in terms of radio-ready bops for the summer. With that said, the overall performance had a theme, a story, and an aesthetic, drawing our attention to the number right in front of us. Dawn is establishing herself as a fabulous visual artist, and this number showcased her strengths even further. Maybe the song could’ve used a little bit more work, but we did enjoy what Dawn was trying to do.

4. Amanda Tori Meating

The other girlies this season are really vocal about their thoughts and feelings about Amanda Tori Meating’s drag and aesthetic… and Amanda is taking everything well so far, but we wonder if this will change in subsequent episodes. Anyway, Amanda’s song could’ve also used some work, but at least it was irreverent and hilarious and campy. In comparison to other performances that didn’t wow us (but took themselves very seriously), we had a different appreciation for the fact that Amanda was at least being funny and not taking it all so seriously. This number also showcased her sense of humor and perspective really well, which is the whole point of the challenge.

3. Mirage

I’m not the kind of fan who’s all about the dips and the drops and the Cirque-du-so-Gay of it all when it comes to lip syncs. But, girl, Mirage was giving us some crazy exciting moves in this Variety Show number, and we were living for it. The song wasn’t great, but that’s almost beside the point when a queen is click-clacking her heels, doing all these stunts, and giving the judges and viewers such a dynamic performance to watch. If this had been a lip sync for your life, we’d feel really sorry for the girl who went up against Mirage!

2. Q

In Drag Race lore, we’re used to the statement that “everybody loves puppets.” Well, Q gave us some next-level puppetry in the series with this Variety Show number. This has never been seen on Drag Race (or even in other TV shows, to be honest) and it was extremely exciting and funny to watch it. This performance of a Humanette (puppet with a human head) showed that Q didn’t come to this competition to play… she’s prepared, she’s polished AF, and she’s ready to compete. A very exciting first impression for Q, and a well-deserved spot in the top two of the episode.

1. Sapphira Cristál

Baby, this was Sapphira Cristál’s episode to win — no ifs or buts about it. This Philly queen performed an English version (adapted to incorporate drag-friendly slang) of Giacomo Puccini’s “O mio babbino caro,” which is from the 1918 opera titled Gianni Schicchi. Even though opera is a very serious art form, Sapphira found a way to make it funny not only with the captions she provided, but also with her unhinged faces and dynamic moves. It’s kind of wild that we had just gotten such a great opera moment from Monét X Change on All Stars 7, and Sapphira still found a way to take things to an even higher level. 10/10, no notes!