Want to Find True Love? Sometimes You Have to Be Desperate

Photo: Stanley Dai

Anyone who’s ever had feelings for someone can tell you that putting yourself out there is hard AF. Whether you’re trying to go from hookup to relationship, or trying to figure out if that really cute person is worth re-entering the closet, finding real love is a rough path.

But it’s way easier when you just throw yourself out into the world of romance.

[iframe https://giphy.com/embed/HoCMD0S32Ueu4 allowfullscreen="" class=^{{"giphy-embed"}}^ frameborder="0" height="301" width="480"]

The hard part, though, is learning to let go. Of pride. Of ego. Of fear. We spend our entire lives in a society that is hyper-individualist, and that doesn’t encourage us to view each other as linked and connected. We spend so much time in our own heads worrying about ourselves and the way that we look to other people. We stress so much about what other people think of us that we rarely stop and wonder — is anyone actually thinking about us at all? Who are we to ourselves? Is the life we’re living putting us on a path to end up with the kind of life we want, ultimately?

If the life you imagine for yourself involves any sort of forever love, any life partner, you have to ask yourself what you’re willing to risk to make that dream a reality.

[iframe https://giphy.com/embed/atjavtaBHZpHa allowfullscreen="" class=^{{"giphy-embed"}}^ frameborder="0" height="320" width="480"]

It’s tough. We’re the last people who are going to act like it’s somehow easy to risk it all — your pride, your confidence, your comfort — to find love. We know that love is hard to find. It’s hard to find someone you want to risk it all for, and it’s hard to make love work, and last. It's even harder when you're queer. There tend to be less of us, and not everyone is out. We have difficult choices to make, and different stress and anxiety surrounds our relationships. But also, our love is like everyone else's. Not the same, and not identical, but just as real. Sparks burn out, and connection is difficult to navigate. We have to fight to make it work. We have to fight to find the bravery to be in love, and to admit it.

But we can guarantee that if you spend all of your time wrapped up in your own head and worrying about what other people think of you (and of your love life) you’re going to have a more difficult time finding love to begin with. And why let anyone stop you?

[iframe https://giphy.com/embed/LSjZhEp5qeIes allowfullscreen="" class=^{{"giphy-embed"}}^ frameborder="0" height="269" width="480"]

So don’t be afraid of being desperate. Put yourself out there. Show all of your cards, don’t play games, and be authentic. Even when it’s scary.

Because isn’t that when it’s worth it?

[iframe https://giphy.com/embed/CMLMUHkcRFpU4 allowfullscreen="" class=^{{"giphy-embed"}}^ frameborder="0" height="270" width="480"]