The 5 Stages of Anxiety My Mind Goes Through on a First Date

Every first date is different. The person you're with is different, the circumstances are different, you're different -- everything has changed since the last first date.

Well, most everything has changed. The one thing that hasn't? Fear and anxieties.

First dates are a breeding ground for doubt and worry and, strangely enough, it seems that those doubts and worries are always eerily similar to the doubts and worries you've had on every first date that came before.

There's a definite pattern and formula here. In my case, and possibly in yours too, it goes something like this:

Stage One: Worrying About Appearance

Does this shirt look ridiculous? Yes. Were these pants a terrible choice? Probably. Did the wind mess up my hair on the way over here? Undoubtedly. This whole outfit looks ridiculous, doesn't it? Oh yeah.

Stage 2: Worrying About Putting Your Foot in Your Big, Embarrassing Mouth

I'm going to say something stupid, aren't I?

Well, maybe not. Not if I just keep my stupid thoughts to a minimum and constantly remind myself not to be an idiot.

Don't say something stupid. Don't say something stupid.

Aaand you did it. You said something stupid. Way to ruin your chances of a second date right here and now, pal.

Stage Three: Fears of Public Humiliation or Defeat

Hey, self! What do you think the odds are of you tripping on a crack in the sidewalk, hitting the concrete, and needing to be rushed to the ER? Probably a good 75-80%.

There's also probably an 87% chance I have food in my teeth right now, huh?

Right, sure. My date is just "going to the bathroom." AKA they're going to climb out a window and leave me here alone on this oversized chair looking like a damn idiot while they go laugh about it with their super cool friends.

Stage Four: Fears of Incompatibility

What if they've never watched Parks & Rec? Are they one of those cat people who are going to write me off the second they find out I'm allergic? What if their idea of a perfect date isn't just laying around actually watching Netflix and chilling?

Oh my god. What if they're a Trump supporter?

Stage Five: The "Wait, This Might Actually Work Out" Terror

So this person actually seems really great ...Where's the big dealbreaker? When are they going to say that one thing that's going to immediately tear down everything we've built so far? For example, that they're a climate change denier or they think Leonardo DiCaprio is overrated. You know, something unforgiveable.

Wait. Maybe there isn't a dealbreaker? Maybe they're actually just really great? And they seem to really like you back?

So, this might work out, then? What? No. That'd be crazy. Right?