In an honest conversation with actor/director Clea DuVall, Kristen Stewart opened up about what she's been up to seven months into the pandemic, practicing her Princess Diana accent for the upcoming biopic she's set to appear in, and spoke in detail about her own coming out story and the first time she dated a woman.
Stewart is starring in Happiest Season, an upcoming Christmas movie centering on two queer women going home to Pittsburgh for the holidays which gets complicated with Stewart's character realizes her girlfriend hasn't come out to her family yet. She reveals to InStyle that the movie resonated with her because she's "been on both sides of that dynamic where someone is having a hard time acknowledging who they are and the other person is more self-accepting."
"I [personally] came into the more complex aspects of myself a little bit later," she shares. "I never felt an immense shame, but I also don’t feel far away from that story, so I must have it in a latent sense."
The first time she dated a woman, she "was immediately being asked if I was a lesbian. And it’s like: 'God, I’m 21 years old.' I felt like maybe there were things that have hurt people I’ve been with." She adds, "I didn’t like giving myself to the public, in a way. It felt like such thievery. This was a period of time when I was sort of cagey."
When she first came out, she also says she struggled with the pressure of suddenly having to represent queer women as a public figure.
"Retrospectively, I can tell you I have experience with this story. But back then I would have been like: 'No, I’m fine. My parents are fine with it. Everything’s fine.' That’s bulls**t. It’s been hard. It’s been weird. It’s that way for everyone. I was being hounded about labeling myself. I had no reticence about displaying who I was. I was going out every day knowing I’d be photographed while I was being affectionate with my girlfriend, but I didn’t want to talk about it."
"I did feel an enormous pressure," she concludes. "But it wasn’t put on me by the [LGBTQ+] community."
But Stewart embraces it now and "relishes" the idea of helping "somebody who is struggling."
"That s**t’s dope. When I see a little kid clearly feeling themselves in a way that they wouldn’t have when I grew up, it makes me skip."
Keep an eye out for Happiest Season which is scheduled to premiere on November 25!
