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It may be the most wonderful time of the year but it was a less than wonderful in prime time television last week. Some of my favorite heavy hitters never even made it on the primetime lineup--for what reason I don’t know. Other shows were on temporary hiatus to make way those for classic holiday cartoons I loved so much as a kid. I’m not sure why Samantha Who? was bumped, but I’m fairly certain Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer along with those two tramps, Mrs. Clause and Cindy Loo Hoo, were responsible for giving some of my other faves the slip. Even The Ghost Whisperer was left out in the cold when Frosty the Snowman saddled into its Friday night slot.
My lineup may have been affected by this antiquated holiday programming, but fortunately there were some pretty terrific TV moments that more than made up for the merry marauders from up North. From the moment I first saw her pour Baileys in her cereal instead of milk, Karen Walker had me at, “Hello, I’m Anastasia Beaverhausen,” Okay all you Will and Grace junkies, hopefully you tuned in last Wednesday to the New Adventures of Old Christine when Megan Mullally, who played fag hag Karen Walker on W&G, guest starred as Margaret, a representative from Bloom Gym, the parent company of the gym franchise Barb (Wanda Sykes) and Christine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) own. Trouble ensued for the business partners when Margaret learned the gals were married and in violation of the family-values clause of their franchise contract.
Evidently, unless you’re a twenty-something gay man living in New York’s West Village, homosexuality and fitness are a contradiction in terms and never the two shall meet.
With two shakes of her lamb’s wool sweater the “homophobic” Margaret revealed her true predilections when she planted a big wet one on Christine. Mullally’s character hoped to be able to entice Christine with the “accidental” opening of her bathrobe and by showing off her fiery loins beneath polyester-clad spread legs.
Whether it was throwing back roofies at work, slurping Jell-O shots with Oats, from Hall and Oats or forcing her domestic Rosario (Shelly Morrison) to empty the thermos she urinated in, Mullally’s TV alter egos have never been anything short of brilliant. For all you naughty gals afraid of finding a lump of coal in your Gap stocking this year fear not. Christmas has come early by way of Mullally’s hilarious appearance on CBS’s winning sitcom.
SVU featured a slew of gorgeous guest stars but none more so than Kelly Hu, who played a victim who was slipped a Columbian drug that impedes memory. This was my first time seeing Hu, but I’m completely hooked. If Hu lands another guest spot possibly playing a badass defense attorney, inappropriate comments will whole-heartedly become just the tip of the iceberg in my pursuit to once and for all see Det. Benson (Mariska Hargitay) get nailed by a chick…it’s all I want for Christmas--forget world peace.
I gave NBC’s Chuck a viewing for the first time. Oh my God, I feel like I just discovered a cure for genital herpes outbreaks. What a discovery, what a revelation! I had no idea that someone as gorgeous as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays CIA Agent Sarah Walker was out there all this time, just waiting to be objectified from head to toe. I’d sell my own mother to the Russians if it meant getting tossed around by Strahovski’s ripped arms. You can bet I’ll tune in next Monday to see Strahovski have a tousle with the bad guys. How sexy would it be if Agent Walker went head to head with an elite group of diamond smuggling, female assassins. Can someone say strip search? Better yet, can someone stuff my knickers with some bling and buy me a ticket to Guam?
I’m about to go out on a limb here and say that there are at least two shows growing on me, Kath and Kim and Worst Week. Pam Anderson and her itty, bitty, teeny tiny hooters stopped by the set of K&K for a spell. It wasn’t too meaty a role for Anderson, but now that I think of it I seem to recall reading about a clause in Anderson’s contract which limits the former Mrs. Tommy Lee to an eleven and a half word limit, moans included, on all speaking parts. Surprisingly, she diverted my attention from the smokin’ Selma Blair for a few.
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On Worst Week hilarious Rachael Harris turned up last week as Julie, Sam’s new barracuda of a boss. The adorable Harris gave a brief, albeit razor-sharp performance on the CBS comedy everyone is calling brilliant. I won’t go that far, but I will acknowledge that Harris certainly made me sit up and take notice.
Kirstie Alley’s heavy to thin to heavy again physique is giving me hope. Harris appeared on the quirky, witty Showtime series Fat Actress with Kirstie Alley at a time when the former Cheers star looked as though she had swallowed a small country. Ostensibly, Alley’s partnership with Jenny Craig and drastic weight loss led to the demise of Fat Actress, as its lead was no longer fat.
As Kevyn Shecket, Harris was one of the best reasons to tune in to Fat Actress each Sunday evening. From what I’ve seen in the tabloids, poor Alley is growing exponentially and once again as big as a house. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Showtime resumes the series. Except this time I hope Jenny Craig keeps her big nose out of Alley's business.
You just keep eating that cannoli Kristie.
Okay, so here’s a less than conventional choice for primetime babes. I’m giving my vote to Kate Gosselin, mom from the documentary TV show Jon and Kate Plus 8. Hot mom Gosselin scores big marks for the MILF radar. There’s nothing I’ve come to love more than seeing that neurotic, blond harpy barking orders at her husband week after week while simultaneously corralling six toddlers to the toilet.
This blond diva deserves the coveted Mom-of-the-Year-Award. She loves her family, even when she’s knee deep in laundry and dirty dishes.
Plus, as a new mom I feel somewhat akin to this gorgeous babe who, in all reality, should be a raging alcoholic. I can barely deal with one kid; I have no idea how she functions raising eight. Moreover, how does she do it sober. With eight screaming, crying, vomiting, urinating, pooping kids all vying for my attention twenty four seven, if I were Kate I’d send Jon packing and start an illicit, a love-that-dare-not-speak-its-name affair with the only other John who could take me somewhere over the rainbow, Johnnie Walker.
And since, SheWired's Senior Editor Tracy E. Gilchrist is obsessed with South of Nowhere, I'll let her wax on about how she cried during the series' finale in her Blender, which is out Wednesday.
