Where the Girls Are on TV: Kathy Griffin, Nicole Pacent, 'Army Wives'

Orange County eat your heart out. Bravo is back with its 4th rendition of the franchise, this time moving from the Big Apple, right next door to Jersey. Complete with Jersey accents and enough money to make a house filled with marble, granite, and onyx, these housewives have more attitude and are far more entertaining than any season. And get this -- they're actual housewives who love their husbands. Or at least they're really good at pretending like they do.

Now, being that I'm right in the middle of finals, TV is my perfect procrastination companion, and I stumbled upon a marathon of the show while taking a break from the enthralling world of Shakespearean literature. The season is about five episodes in, but about halfway through the second episode, I was hooked. It's the perfect blend of humor with constant talk about  'bubbies' chuckies' and drama, what with one of the housewives suspected of a criminal past. I know right? Cue suspicious-sounding music.

I figure watching Real Housewives as a lesbian is somewhat like watching Queer as Folk for straight girls. We're so intrigued by these lives that our so different from our own, and can't help but pay attention. And I'm sure a gorgeous gay man hurts the heart of a straight girl just as much as a gorgeous straight-as-an-arrow woman breaks mine.

This season, the show keeps it in the family, as two of the housewives are sisters who are married to two brothers. I could've sworn there was something illegal about that, but c'est la vie. And on top of that, another housewife is the sister -in-law to those sisters. Don't worry; if it takes a while for your brain to wrap around that, it took me about three episodes to get it. My favorite pick this season is Jacqueline.

Though the Las Vegas native doesn't quite have that Jersey spunk, she's got the perfect blend of quirkiness, and like one of the housewives mentioned, she's got a heart as big as her 'bubbies."  The rest  of the ladies are just as great, like Teresa, who pays for everything in cash, supposedly because of the economic down turn. Uhhh, can anyone say ma-fi-a?

Also on Bravo this week, Kathy Griffin is on the D-List (again), hoping to move on up.  Now that she's two Emmys in, Griffin opens the season hoping to score a Grammy.  Always  one to push limits, Griffin is back, and just as hilarious in her attempt to pretend to be not famous as she attempts to become famous. In the season opener, Kathy spends some time  chilling at a Holiday Inn to avoid the construction going on in her house before she heads to Vegas to visit Bette Midler  the diva's Caesar's Palace gig. If only Cher joined in on the fun, the episode would've had a perfect gay trifecta that would have been any queen's dream.

While there, Kathy  made a spontaneous cameo in Midler's show, which consisted of her lying face-down on the ground as a passed-out prostitute. Rather than  delivering  her given line, she recycled one of her old jokes -- something about dicks in mouths , which is something I'm not too familiar with --to the surprise of Midler and everyone in the audience.

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Later, Midler invited Kathy up to her penthouse for a dinner of pizza with salmon and caviar toppings, to which, of course, Kathy requests a grilled cheese. Later, in a DList style attempt to return the favor, Kathy treated Bette to dessert on her, which brought the duo to  a sketch part of Vegas for a deep-fried Oreo and Twinkie. Gotta love her.

Speaking of season premieres, Lifetime's Army Wives premiered earlier this week with an episode chalk-full of drama. So much more happened in that hour episode than in a year's worth of Guiding Light. It looks like one of the wives is in deep trouble as cheating Denise has lost her job, her lover, and most likely the respect of all her friends. Pamela returned to her kick-ass roots to bust Colin, who almost took Roxy's beloved bar. And Michael and Claudia Joy are on the rocks. Though the show sounds like another drama about women, there's something interesting about these ladies being the spouses of men in uniform. Though I'm secretly praying for a spontaneous lesbian storyline to sprout up, the season looks promising with our without my wish.

Also, if anyone is interested in getting some free undies, the Web series, Anyone But Me is holding a contest that requires the very meticulous and difficult task of identifying a pair of underwear that appears in an episode. I know, I know, who really pays attention to such a thing when all that matters is what's underneath right? Although, through my work experience at Victoria's Secret, I can spot a Very Sexy Secret Embrace Push-Up in full coverage from a mile away, underwear is a bit more tedious. 

Any interested panty-solving parties can go here https://www.anyonebutmeseries.com/2009-Contest.html to put their skills to the test. Those who get picked may win the lingerie worn by the likes of Amanda Bynes, Emmy Rossum, Angelina Jolie, Katherine Heigl, Blake Lively, Mary Louise Parker and many more.