'Sugar Rush' Recaps Episode 1

Kim is fifteen. Kim is British. Kim thinks she might be a lesbian. (We all know within seconds that Kim is most definitely a lesbian.) And for the next several weeks we get to watch her lust, her confusion, and her general "new lesbian" angst unfold on here! TV every Friday night. We love Kim for this.

In Sugar Rush's premiere episode we meet Kim (Olivia Hallinan) on an amusement park ride, spinning around like mad with a stunning female friend by her side. They lean in for a kiss and Kim is startled out of what turns out to have been just a fantasy -- damn. The real Kim opens her eyes in bed, enjoying the electric toothbrush she currently uses for, ahem, companionship, shall we say? The fresh-faced, naughty minded teen is then startled out of that enjoyment as well when her goofy father, Nathan (Richard Lumsdem), knocks briefly and then enters her room, announcing, "You'll go blind!" The toothbrush is buzzing away under opened textbooks on the bed , but luckily for Kim, Nathan is referring to the low lighting and not his daughter's solo sexcapades. Phew, that was close. Kim's relief is palpable. Come on, we've all been there.

Nathan is a bit of a nutty-professor type Dad: lovable, well-meaning, a little nerdy, and, well, totally and utterly clueless. And, it turns out, he is the reason behind the family's recent move from glam and fab London to Brighton, England of all places -- which, according to Kim, is "sin city, the capital of sleaze."

We flash back to the family's move by car from London to Brighton and Kim introduces the rest of the eccentric bunch in the process. Kim's mother, Stella (Sara Stewart), is first. Foul-mouthed, self-absorbed and a terrible excuse for a parent, she prefers to be called by her first name because she "doesn't like to be reminded of her parental responsibility." As far as mothers of lesbians go, Kim's future shrink will have a field day with Stella. He'll probably be able to buy a Mercedes with the cash he makes analyzing that dysfunctional female role model. Having met Stella, I guess we see now what attracted the family to sleaze-ville. She's about one plastic surgery away from being the British version of a drunk Desperate Housewife.

And then there's Matt (Kurtis O'Brien), Kim's bizarre little brother, wearing what can only be described as an astronaut's helmet or an extremely large upside-down fishbowl. Not much to say about him except that he'll likely be at best a background member of the family.

And now we've met the whole "happy" clan.

Dave (Matthew Vaughan) and David (Daniel Coonan) are the next-door neighbors, a gay couple who immediately befriend Stella and begin recommending contractors to come work on the house. One in particular, Dale (Neil Jackson), apparently does very good work. Wink, wink. We all know what that means, coming from Dave and David.

Kim escapes the mayhem of the house to hang out with, guess who? The girl from the fantasy. Who also happens to be Kim's best friend. Turns out her name is Sugar (Lenora Crichlow). Cute irony considering the promiscuous, sultry teen is far from sweet (which, by the way, is her last name). Kim is bitingly honest in her introduction (most of which Kim voiceovers for our benefit) - "This is Sugar. The girl I'm sexually obsessed with. She's not gay, and I don't want to be." Well, darling, we're only about four minutes into meeting you, but I think it's safe to say it's too late to turn back now.

Lovely pair the two of them make -- flash back to Sugar recently exploiting Kim's innocence during an attempt to shoplift, and Kim naturally taking the fall for the girl she adores. Nice start on that codependence thing, girls, you'll be a bona fide L Word pair in just a few years.

Back in reality, Kim and Sugar are hanging out by the Brighton Pier -- not unlike the Santa Monica Pier, just with grayer skies -- Sugar looking roughly like a Catholic school girl hooker and Kim like a buttoned-up elementary school girl. Sugar suddenly makes the awkward and vague announcement, "If we're going to hang out, you should probably make it a little less obvious." Having spent the last ten minutes or so listening to voice-over Kim's full-blown infatuation with Sugar, we immediately assume that the secret's out. Kim's eyes widen and Sugar laughs at her, finishing with, "You're such a virgin!" And reaches over to unbutton Kim's collared shirt. Sigh. We all know what's going through Kim's mind...I'm thinking an electric toothbrush rendezvous will probably be necessary later.

 Considering Sugar's virgin remark, Kim ponders "How do I know I'm gay if I've never have sex?" Go on, Kim, keep hanging on to those little nuggets of heterosexual possibility. It's long over for you, sweetheart.

We get the answer anyway a minute later when Kim strolls past a group of school boys hanging outside before class, offering a . "Nice tits," one of them comments in her direction with an appreciative nod. "Die," she sends flatly back, walking away. The boy finishes the conversation with a decisive shout of "Dyke!" So much for the "never had sex with a guy" theory.

Once inside the school we encounter Kim and Sugar in the bathroom together. Sugar is changing her clothes, ripping off her tee-shirt and bra in quick motions, oblivious to poor Kim's lusty, confused stares. Breaking the awkward silence that has filled the room since Sugar began her quite literal strip tease, Kim announces, "I want to have sex." Awkward again. God damnit girls, finish your sentences. "With a  man..." She adds. Sugar laughs, "Well of course with a man!"

And now we're back in Kim's house. I would like to add a side note here that the blink-and-you'll-miss-them scenes are getting a little old. A little depth or a full conversation might be nice about now. But, alas, it turns out this is not the scene to make such a request. Kim is pondering who exactly she will make her male conquest when she is greeted by the sight of the shirtless construction worker, Dale. Stella and Dave -- or is it David? -- are sitting watching the free show being put on by Dale's abs. And the conquest has been found. Kim hurries upstairs to call Sugar and inform her that Dale is to become the object of her affection. Sugar promptly invites Kim over so they can strategize, as only 15-year-olds know how to do, how Kim can land that man.

Kim enters Sugar's room, a pink "paradise" of girly-ness and frill. And for the next five minutes -- finally, a full scene -- Sugar orders Kim around her room, offering her some slutty girl pointers and a nice collection of lingerie and hooker heels. A brief girl-on-girl, post-pillow fight moment on the bed almost ends with a  kiss (Sugar proposes that Kim "practice" on her), but Kim chickens out and walks (or should I say, stumbles) down the street and back into her home. She enters the kitchen only to encounter Stella bent over the kitchen counter, Dale the handyman hammering away at....well, not a doorway, I'll tell you that much.

Horrified that her mother is cheating on her father, not to mention cheating in the most undignified way possible, Kim stomps out of the house presumably to go claw her eyes out in a back alley of Brighton. Stella runs after her in a feigned moment of motherly concern, only to assure her daughter, "Nobody's perfect." Wow, Stella, comforting.

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Back in the living room later, the unsuspecting Nathan takes a close look at Dale's work. Well, at least the work he did on the actual house. After a series of compliments to Dale's handiwork, Kim gets fed up and starts upstairs. The doorbell rings and we all collectively hold our breath. Please by Sugar so that the cycle of codependence can continue to spiral out of control -- Kim is in need more than ever. Door opens and....it's Tom. Dave and David's son Tom. Kim refers to him as her "brand new stalker." The two end up upstairs in Kim's room. Turns out the kid is feeling a little conflicted himself in terms of the whole sexuality thing. Having two dads has made him wonder if perhaps he will automatically turn out to be gay himself. A quick peck on the lips with Kim assures him that he does in fact like pussy and he rushes away, quite awkwardly, into the bathroom where he rifles through the medicine cabinet looking for toothpaste to freshen his breath before going in for round two.

In the meantime, Kim sneaks out the door and off to get her "Sugar fix." Clever. Poor Tom is still fumbling in the bathroom.

Kim finds Sugar in the pool hall with her boyfriend -- "the worst DJ in Brighton" -- and a lovely fellow called The Donkey, who appears to be there as a set-up for Kim. The Donkey has the vocabulary of a Neanderthal and the face of, well, a donkey. Kim is less than enthused. Sugar and DJ boyfriend climb all over each other on the booth seat next to them, Sugar moving her body up and down and all around. As if Kim's day hadn't been bad enough already.

And while Kim suffers in solitary angst over her all-consuming infatuation, her parents sit at home discussing their concern over her sudden "strange" behavior -- including no longer being interested in her favorite food, aptly called "toad in the hole." To be fair, it's less of a discussion and more of Nathan voicing his fatherly concern while Stella rolls her eyes and reminds him that she will not be referred to as "Mom." Charming, again.

Back at the pool hall, The Donkey ambles off to the bar to get drinks for himself and Kim hurries away into the safety of a bathroom stall to drown her sorrows. Some wallowing time passes before the bathroom door flings open again and Sugar enters, looking for her friend. A quick climb from the neighboring stall into Kim's -- including a fairly revealing leg-up-over-the-stall maneuver -- lands Sugar basically in Kim's lap. A little bit of dreamy, mood music plays while Sugar drunkenly nods off on her friend's shoulder. Kim leans in for the moment we've all been waiting for...in three, two...and Sugar wakes up. More than a little tipsy, Sugar confides in her friend -- who she thinks is devastated over her mother's cheating with Dale -- that anytime she's ever had sex, she's always been "too pissed" (read - "too drunk") to remember.

And so, for now, our two British baby dykes -- come on, we all know Sugar will get there... -- will just have to remain best friends. Kim catches a ride home in a cab looking forlorn, and once home proceeds to peek into the various rooms of her house to see her family members each in all of their glory. Stella, dressed in her slip, conducts a clandestine phone call from inside the upstairs bathroom. Astronaut-helmet wearing little brother is sound asleep looking goofy but somehow cute. And Nathan is momentarily out of sight. Kim retreats to the safety of her bedroom, presumably to either cry herself to sleep or whip out her electric toothbrush tease toy. Nathan enters the room with a tray of food and finishes the episode with a fatherly hug for his daughter and the off-hand, loaded comment -- referring to the food, of course: "There's no toad, just hole. Thought you might be off the meat again." 

You can say that again, Nathan. See you next week.

Sugar Rush airs every other Sunday on here! Click here to learn more.