It seemed for a couple of weeks that Pretty Little Liars’ resident gay girl Emily’s character had been benched, what with her first love Maya having been hauled off to juvie rehab / ex-gay camp several episodes ago. But this week presented a gay storyline refresh that made Em the object of scorn from a hateful parent, the recipient of much love from her homophobic leaning mom and the apple of at least one girl’s eye. Not that someone with remotely tuned Gaydar couldn’t have seen it coming, but still, it’s nice to see the lesbian storyline getting some love.
The last time we saw Emily (Shay Mitchell) she was swimming her heart out in the pool to the point that her former team mate / gay-baiting bully Paige (Lindsey Shaw) had all but conceded defeat, especially after she turned up on Emily’s doorstep in the rain apologizing for being such a narrow minded jack-ass. At the close of the last episode Emily and Paige were playing nice and frolicking in the pool like a pair of adorable little Sea World dolphins in Speedos.
The New Normal: Ep. 1:17 - SPOILERS ahead!
Cue this week’s episode and all is going swimmingly in the nicest-ever Mean Girls meets Heathers meets a little bit of The Craft world of Pretty Little Liars. Hanna (Ashley Benson) and Aria (Lucy Hale) made up after their blackmailer ‘A’ forced Hanna to nearly out Aria and her pedo pedagogue Ezra (Ian Harding) to Aria’s mom (Holly Marie Combs).
So let’s get up to speed --the girls are in the cafeteria – ground zero of all high school drama save for locker rooms of course – and Aria’s mom Ella, who’s now teaching at the school, is at a separate table making plans to attend a artsy book signing with her daughter’s of-age bf Ezra, when pretty little jock Paige’s dad Mr. McCullers bursts in demanding to speak to the swim coach. Ezra, being the sensitive but fearless seducer of underage girls that he is, stands up to McCullers.
“I’ve seen the principal and all I got was a lot of politically correct double talk about the agenda in the place that’s penalizing my daughter, taking opportunities away from her and giving them to someone who doesn’t deserve them” McCullers says, using his outdoor voice, and with a mortified Paige and a hurt Emily looking on from various spots in the cafeteria.
“My girl is the best swimmer on that team and you can’t give it to somebody just because…” McCullers says before Ezra interrupts him. And I might argue that as least as far as I know from my years at Girl Scout Camp, lesbians do make great swimmers. I think it’s the affinity for the one-piece sport swimsuit and the attraction to the irrefutable functionality of a whistle on a string and a key ring that floats.
But back to the show -- Emily is visibly wounded, and Hanna, being the good friend that she is despite throwing Aria under the bus at ‘A’s’ behest, puts a hand on Emily’s arm in an “I’m here for you in solidarity,” gesture.
Later, a very intense Paige --looking so much like Selma Blair in Cruel Intentions with that horrific bob and bangs combo – corner’s Em at her locker.
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“Listen, I didn’t know my dad was coming. He wanted to know how someone could beat me. He wanted to know if I slacked off, but I didn’t. You know I didn’t,” Paige fires at Emily. “I told him we tied but you got the slot,” she adds. And wow, that Paige is a close talker. She needs to back off a few inches.
“Because I’m gay?” Emily asks.
“No, I didn’t say anything. He must have asked around but I didn’t tell him I swear,” Paige tries to assure Emily. But Emily gives her the big brush off. “I have to go to class,” she says turning on her heel. And Emily’s once-upon-a-bra-fondling bully appears truly disheartened by the turn of events.
As a side note… if being gay in high school gets kids extra access these days then I want a do-over so I can go back to high school and land the role of Rizzo in our high school production of Grease. Had I known there was a gay card for that sort of thing I would have been in Rizzo’s hot pant pedal pushers for sure!
That night, at home on her bed and talking on the phone to Hanna about Hanna’s involvement with the River Phoenix wannabe hot hippy cool guy Caleb, Emily gets defensive when she sees her mama Pam – the lovely Nia Peeples -- hauling laundry in the hallway.
It was her over-protective mama who searched Em’s girlfriend Maya’s backpack to find a stash of what I have convinced myself was just Maya’s leftover medical marijuana. Maya was from California after all.
“It’s only Hanna,” Em says to her mom.
“I wasn’t asking who you were on the phone with,” Pam replies, adding that she was just coming to see if Emily wanted the last of the cobbler but Emily is not falling for the old let’s make up over cobbler trick. Hanna asks if Em told her mom about Paige’s over-protective asshole dad showing up at school and claiming ‘gay agenda.’
“No point (in telling her). She’ll say it’s my fault for choosing a disgusting lifestyle,” Em says.
Hanna, a little off point invokes one of my favorite British epithets. “Paige is such a nob,” she says, but Emily defends Paige saying the whole unsavory incident wasn’t necessarily Paige’s fault.
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Next up, it’s parent / teacher conferences, a necessary evil loathed by students, parents and teachers alike! Em’s mom Pam shows up for her conference and runs into Aria’s mom Ella, who tells Pam she was planning to call her but decided to talk face to face.
“I just want you to know that the school is not going to be bullied by Nick McCullers. Everyone here loves Emily,” Ella spills to Pam’s confusion and chagrin. She explains that he turned up at the school spouting about how he thinks Em is getting special treatment for being gay. “Everybody knows Emily’s the better swimmer except McCullers,” she adds, but Pam’s surely still stuck on the “Emily’s gay” part of the convo and not digesting the rest of Ella’s comments.
“He came here and said that?” Pam asks, and Ella does not sugar coat, telling Pam he made the accusations in front of students, teachers, custodians, the school mascot, school accreditation officials, cafeteria ladies, substitutes, Board of Ed. members and lesbian gym teachers… you name it!
“Was Emily there?” Pam asks, and Ella answers in the affirmative. And you just know that mama Pam is going to protect her cub. I mean, parents can say whatever the hell insensitive thing they want to their kids but when it’s someone else attacking the baby that’s the Horse of a Different Color.
A little later Pam spots Emily walking down the hall and grabs her hand causing Emily to shoot an, “Oh shit, what the hell did I do now?” look.
“I don’t need a ride, my car is in the parking lot,” Emily offers, but mama Pam says she knows. She just wants to verify that Nick McCullers is indeed a homophobic jerk-off who deserves a good talking to, a side-eye and a verbal bitch slap.
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“I don’t want to talk about it,” Emily says.
“Is it true? Because…” Pam says.
“Yeah it’s true,” Emily interrupts. Prompting Pam to ask in wide-eyed wonder why her daughter wouldn’t share that gay-related info with her.
“You really don’t know why I wouldn’t tell you? It’s because I know what you think of me. I know what you’d say. It doesn’t matter who I am. I better get used to people looking at me only one way,” Emily tells a crestfallen Pam, who is finally getting that Emily may be bullied enough in life without having to deal with it in her own home.
Just then Pam sees McCullers across the hall, and it’s clear that Emily is in for another public outing via the adults around her.
“Nick, we need to talk,” Pam says.
“I was wondering when I’d hear from you. This isn’t personal. You deal with your family problems any way you want. This is what the school is doing to my daughter,” McCullers says, nodding at a clearly mortified Paige behind him. And I really just wish she’d stand up and tell her father the truth – whatever that is. Maybe if she’d cut off those heavy bangs it would take the weight off enough for her to spit something out.
“Yeah, it’s about your daughter,” Pam scoffs. “It’s about trying to make her into some sort of professional victim, and using my daughter to do it.” After a little back and forth Pam / Nia Peeples goes for her Emmy moment!
“My daughter never got anything she didn’t deserve. That’s how we raised her. That is who she is. So you drop this Nick! Drop it or I’ll show you what a real agenda looks like,” Pam threatens and turns on her heel. Now that would make for some good TV! Nia Peeples is an ass-kicking martial artist from way back and she’s got an ax kick to the groin with Nick McCuller’s name on it if he doesn’t shape up.
Emily stops Pam mid-dramatic exit for a mother / daughter bonding moment. She asks if Pam is okay.
“Emily, I still don’t understand. But I love you. You’re my child and nobody hurts my child. I’m so sorry if I…” Pam says but Emily interrupts with a hug, because it’s just tough to see moms upset and crying, even if they’ve been hardheaded and implacable.
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As if Emily’s day weren’t full of enough surprises, Paige ambushes Emily by climbing in the passenger side of Em’s car. This is why a girl should always drive a car that auto locks when the door closes.
But Paige has something on her mind, so let’s hear her out:
“It’s like your mom said. My dad is always looking for someone to blame,” Paige says.
Unmoved and a little freaked by Paige’s penchant for stalking Emily says, “I have to go home. My mom is waiting for me.”
“Right. Your mom’s waiting. God, why is everything so easy for you?” Paige opines.
That solipsistic comment got Emily’s attention! “Easy? What planet do you live on?” Emily asks. And I’m going to offer that Paige lives on the planet of bad 90’s hair-dos that should have been retired with Y2K.
“I’ve spent most of my life trying not to feel the way I feel. I come out and they ship my first girlfriend off to God knows where. And now, maybe she’s done with me. So yeah, it’s all about Emily. All Em, all the time!” Emily says with a bigger display of emotion than she’s shown since the show premiered.
But…it appears that it has been ‘all Em, all the time,’ for someone else in the car. Mid-Emily’s speech, Paige leans over and plants a lingering kiss on her.
And, Emily appears horrified but kisses back. I mean, this is a great story for her to tell, so I agree she should make the most of it. Emily does need to get rid of her look of surprise however…we all saw this coming three episodes ago when Paige fondled Em’s bra in the locker room.
“Don’t tell…” Paige begs and hops out of the car.
We shall have to tune in next week to discover just where this interaction takes Em and the closeted, horny, Paige. With Maya off being deprogrammed for her love of weed and the ladies, this might not be a bad move for Em. However, if this is a real love connection, here’s hoping Em takes Paige to a hair salon for their first date.
Screengrabbing by Boo.
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