Media Blender: Sara Ramirez, America Ferrera

This is going to be a down and dirty Blender. Since something in the universe, or the cough medicine I’ve been downing daily for the past week, caused me to fail to save the first Blender I wrote after hours of toiling over gossip and ogling women; this is a rewrite. And that lil’ axiom that writing is rewriting just pisses me off. I have better things to do than rewrite, like watch The L Word: The Complete Fifth Season, which dropped on Tuesday! But I’ll get to that shortly.

Halloween and Election Day are nigh and I’m pretty sure I know which one is scarier. Ahhh Halloween, that High Holy Day, when the secular, non-God fearing among us don fetish clothing and parade up and down West Hollywood’s avenue of inequity, Santa Monica Blvd., downing shots at every bar along the way. And this year Halloween is fairly inextricable from Election Day hoopla.

Come Friday, in Weho, the Boulevard will be crawling with so many Sarah Palin knock-offs, it’ll look like a drag queen version of Night of the Republican Living Dead. Red-suited, bespectacled, hot-asses with impeccable updos will roam the streets scaring the crap out of gay marriage supporters, polar bears and wolves, and not necessarily in that order. That will be followed by a Dawn of the “I Support a Federal Ban on Gay Marriage” Dead, in which uncanny Palin look-a-likes descend upon and storm the malls on a mission to find the local Niemen Marcus and armed with $150 K. Take that Tina Fey!

Halleluiah! Thank Ilene Chaiken and the Showtime Gods. That nine month gestation period between seasons of those wacky West Hollywood glamour gals is pure hell for L Word devotees, for whom it’s easier to analyze the shit of the Bette and Tina phenom and wax on about Jenny’s batshit crazy antics, than to get the hell off the Ikea chaise and get out and make our own memories.

Anyway, for those who missed Season 5, or who didn’t get their fill of the tres, post-modern not so loosely based on a real couple -- Dawn Denbo and her lover Cyndi -- She-Bar antics, or of the self-reflexive movie within the TV show, Jenny’s over-the-top hot camp mess Lez Girls, this 12-episode set is just what Dr. Dan Foxworthy ordered.

Relive The Suburu Pink Ride, which includes the girls in spandex, a revealing game of “I Never,” plus Jenny’s aching crotch -- and I’m talking about from Nikki’s accoutrements and not the bicycle seat. And don’t miss Lesbian Turkish Oil Wrestling, the Godfather-like showdown with Elizabeth Keener’s Dawn Denbo, and sex, sex and more sex…

Eviscerate and deconstruct the L Word as you will but I tip my proverbial trendy pageboy cap to the marketing genius who discovered that Jennifer Beals in a beater waxing academic, Leisha Hailey poured into a stylish pencil skirt delivering witty repartee and Rachel Shelley in a prison-issue orange jumpsuit speaking the Queen’s English in the clink, is just plain dirty fetish fun.

Now, on to other television matters. While some girls, including our television columnist and my good pal Lauren Incognito -- who’s likely terrifying the poor staff with labor pain shrieks at the hospital where she’s giving birth as I type -- are perfectly happy with the ‘I was for it before I was against it before I dropped my pants for my ex-boyfriend and now I’m for it again,’ antics of big-piped babe Sara Ramirez’s erstwhile Lesbo antics on Grey’s Anatomy.

But here’s the thing. The writer’s got it all wrong this week. Sara, whether in character out, is the type of girl who would just go whole hog, no hesitation, no regret. And I don’t buy it! First off, congrats to both Sara’s Callie and Brooke Smith’s Erica remaining true to good sluts everywhere -- and that’s getting tipsy on red wine and fucking on the first date.

However, Callie’s post-coital regret is just out of line. Sara and Callie would never be that girl who hovers around the ole navel ring, mumbling “What do I do?” That sort of shit is grounds for dismissal. Sorry, either you have it or you don’t. And hitting up your ex BF Dr. McDroopy for an oral sex tutorial is just lame.

That said, Callie gets a pass this week, because she’s Sara Ramirez. But that’s it. Remember, a good slut always commits Callie! If the writers hadn’t pussied out, Callie and Erica would have woken up with that “Wow… what the hell did we just do?” look, followed by a tiptoeing around the room tidying up the sex toys while the coffee brews, guzzled a cup of java and then done it again on the living room carpet. The FCC be damned!

The Lush the Lez Lindsay Lohan's 18-month tryst with DJ to the Stars Samantha Ronson is a one-off according to the fully vetted online publication Full Disclosure. Apparently Lindsay’s unprepared to embrace her Sapphic side, and she continues to prance around making an ass out of herself for the less fair sex.

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“She has been telling everyone over and over that she’s still into guys. She keeps saying if anything went wrong with Sam she would date a guy next. She even flirts with guys when they go out,” says a Lindsay snitch. Hell, I didn’t expect Linds to trade in her jazz pant leggings and heels for flannel pajama pants and Crocs anytime soon but I had such high hopes for the gift that keeps on giving. But really, I think it was Alice Pieszecki who said it best, “You’re straight until your not…” I paraphrase, but my point is, I’m not giving up on my fave train wreck 'Ashley Olsen “Get your 15-year-old Full House ass away from my girlfriend” yet.

Meanwhile, since lil’ powerhouse America Ferrera got the Lush Linds booted off of Ugly Betty -- which is just plain hot -- America’s moved on from Mean Girls damage control to gay marriage advocate. She stumped with Chelsea and Hills Clinton during the primaries and now, social activist and smarty pants America has joined with her onscreen sis Ana Ortiz and dad Tony Plana to “Say No to Prop.8." America, typically bright-eyed, sweet and bubbly is not fucking around in her “No on 8” ad…

Thanks to America and the Ugly Betty gang, Big Gay Ellen Degeneres, Wanda Sykes, Hillary Duff and celebs including Suze Orman, T.R. Knight, Brad Pitt, Pete Wentz, Dana Delaney, Eric McCormick, Steven Spielberg and more… who’ve donated to fight the ridiculous anti-gay marriage measure that seeks to re-ban same sex marriage in the state.

My lord, that People mag spread of Ellen’s and Portia’s wedding pics. If that doesn’t soften the hearts of even the most die-hard, anti-gay marriage proponents, then there’s just ice flowing in their veins. Those pics are more heart-tugging than kittens cuddling. Even my screw romance, "I'm going to die alone," Grinch heart grew 12 sizes at the sight of Ellen and her princess.

While I try to reserve the Blender for politically incorrect celebrity ogling and respectful objectification of hot women, please, please, please get out and vote “No on Prop. 8,” and if you don’t happen to live in my bubble of West Hollywood, or even California, it’s not too late to donate a few bucks here or there. Two drinks at Weho’s abbey at $14 a pop times all the drunk bitches who frequent it per week could buy a lot of last minute “No on 8” airtime!

I mean, how will Bette and Tina ever tie the knot if we don’t defeat Prop. 8?

Miss the last "Media Blender"? Read it here.