Since Nov. 2006 I have written 110 Media Blenders and my poor little gossip / pop-culture saturated grey matter needed a little break, hence the three-week reprieve I took to visit my frigid homeland of Connecticut and to catch up on -- what else? -- guzzling Rioja, visiting fam and friends and viewing more pop shlock.
While at home freezing my ass off I became mind-numbingly familiar with a whole new segment of pop culture -- namely the uber-hetero kind. Two straight days of hanging out with my mom in a snowstorm leering at the TLC channel's riveting 'reality' shows Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Little People Big World - or whatever the hell it's called - along with ad nauseum reruns of Two and a Half Men and MTV's A Double Shot of HPV - I mean Love - seemed like groundbreaking queer content.
Back in LA and locked into all things gay, I was eager to wax on about lesbians in the media, but with the ever-fluid and frankly, fucking frustrating, ever-evolving sexuality of girls-on-girls on television ala Nip / Tuck and Grey's Anatomy, I was beginning to lose faith. That is, until one Ms. Cutie-Pie Capshaw -- Jessica that is, not Kate, although that would be fine too -- planted one on Sara Ramirez on Grey's last week. First, I thought, "Oh good, they're going to do this right," and then came the realization that to watch these two hotties, I'd have to --yawn-- endure -- zzzzzz-- more of Heigl, Knight, Pompeo and --snooze-- Dempsey. Rumor has it Heigl and Knight might be scrubbing out for good, but that's another story.
It remains to be seen if the little teaching hospital that could will remain Sapphic-ly inclined since they pissed off quite a few lesbian viewers with Brooke Smith's swift axing after her character Dr. Erica Hahn went whole hog -- as it were -- following a night of mind-blowingly filthy -- in my mind it was filthy -- sex with Sara's Callie. I mean who wouldn't? After a roll in the 12,000 thread count sheets with that busty, blowsy babe, who wouldn't shout it to the rooftops?
Anyway, there appears to be hope for that plucky Capshaw Jr., who's eat-her-with-a-spoon adorable as pediatric surgeon Arizona Robbins. Damn, if only the docs looked like this in real life, I might actually go willingly rather than being dragged kicking, screaming and crying and begging for meds.
A big congratulations is in order to All My Children for doing its best within the confines of soap opera etiquette to stick with a real girl-on-girl love story with a happy ending. Sure, my new crush Tamara Braun's Reese has become a little cozy with her paramour, Eden Riegel's Bianca's brother-in-law Zach while Bianca's sister Kendall has been out cold in a coma for three months -- but still.
This Friday Bianca and Reese will take it down the aisle together in what amounts to the highest profile Lesbo wedding on television since Friends did it over a decade ago -- and the first same-sex wedding on a soap.
Being that AMC's a soap, high jinks are sure to ensue. And by high jinks I mean some good ole fashioned girl-on-boy pseudo attraction.
Basically, poor, troubled, confused Reese is ready to fully "Stand by her Woman," but like my fave kind of girl, she gets a little sloppy drunk at the rehearsal dinner, spills her guts and leans on Zach a little too much. She'll recognize the error of her ways, which is basically that 98.99999 percent of boys can't be counted on for non-sexual leaning.
"The night before the wedding when Kendall, Zach's wife, nails her with a backhanded toast, Reese gets a little drunk, and the person who consoles her is Zach," AMC's Executive Producer Julie Hanan Carruthers told Advocate.com.
"It's a moment where she kisses him and then realizes, "Oh, my god, what the heck am I doing? The person I love is Bianca, and the person you love is Kendall. What just happened?" That moment is what unravels the world, and unravels it in a very "soap" way, dramatic and misunderstood, where someone tells somebody and it grows bigger than it ever was."
As long as my girl Tamara - I mean Reese - figures it out and makes a happy home with Bianca after her drunken indisgression then AMC will be breaking ground that those damned prime-time network execs are too gutless to do. Now, only if they'd amp up the sex.
And speaking of amping up the sex...did the entire cast of L Word characters start taking Zoloft this season? Are they on the Get Laid Once Every Three Months Program? Where's the fucking? I'm sorry but Jenny's grudge romp with Niki and her before and after moments with Shane, plus one battle of the black bras session between Bette and Tina does not fill my L Word sex quotient.
Here's hoping Alice and Tasha get into that 3-way with their new gal-pal Jaime mighty soon, because until I get out in the world and start meeting real people, the L Word and South of Nowhere on iTunes is all I have.
It's smack in the middle of Awards' Season and nothing warms my heart more than to bury myself in what I perceive to be the evolving and soon-to-be love story of my fave gals, one Ms. Kate Lob One Out on Screen Every Chance I Get Winslet and one Ms. Penelope Fiery Spaniard with the Great Mouth Cruz.
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From the Globes to the Critics' Choice to the SAGs to the Baftas, my fave dream couple -- oh I know Kate is happily married to that kick-ass director dude Sam Mendes but can't a girl have an unhealthy obsession? -- has become rather chummy waltzing the red carpet together. Besides a full breast lock hug at the SAGs and several Bafta photo ops together, Kate, nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for The Reader and Penny, nominated for a Best Supporting Actress for playing a hot-ass bi babe in Vicki Cristina Barcelona, Penny told Entertainment Weeklythat the pair has been emailing.
On the morning the Oscar noms were announced Ms. Cruz awoke not only to hear of her nomination but also to an email from Ms. Winslet praising Penny and proposing they do a big screen adaptation of Patricia Highsmith's lesbian potboiler, The Price of Salt, together. Kate could wear her Reader age make-up and Penny could undergo a Benjamin Button style digital youthening. Okay... so that didn't happen, Kate did write to Penny to congratulate her new friend. Now they're following each others' Face Bookand Twitter updates. "Penelope is deciding whether she should do the Valentino or the Zac Posen for the Academy Awards." "Kate is practicing a studied, emotionless speech that won't piss off the fat bloated tosser members of the British Press."
While Penny's out carousing at Awards' shows, her BFF and once-upon-a-fantasy-lesbian-playmate Salma Hayek has been busy breastfeeding the world, which kind of reminds me of the Band Aid song that featured all those bitchin' British eighties bands, "Feed the world, let them know it's Christmas." I'm just sayin', when Salma's saving the world breastfeeding one baby at a time, it sure makes my Grinch heart bust out of my bra.
That said, Salma appeared on Nightline visiting hunger-ravaged Sierra Leon. And when the going got tough, the big-hearted babe opting for philanthropy and one hell of a photo op, lobbed one out and breastfed a starving child.
Here's a couple of down and dirty quickies! Look for The Annie Lennox Collection out on Tuesday the 17th. For any burgeoning baby dyke or gay boy circa 1982, the gender-bending belter is nothing short of a deity.
Her collection includes 12 hits from her solo career including "Walking on Broken Glass," "Why," "No More I Love Yous," "Pavement Cracks" and two new jaw-droppingly inspirational tunes sure to take your mind off the incessant fucked up news about the economy, if just for a moment. New tunes "Pattern of my Life" and "Shining Light" are just the type of sing-out-loud, roll down-the-windows, drive and cry kind of songs we could use about now.
Now, for a moment of cronyism. My friend with the amazing cleavage, Patricia Rae -- and yes, I am objectifying my friend --who starred in Maria Full of Grace, begins a stint on Chuck on Feb. 16th.
Look for the lovely Patricia, who also recently played a lesbian nun in a Los Angeles production of Asleep on a Bicycle, to play Chuck's mom, a hot-ass cougar whose screen name is "Red Hot Mama!"
Lastly, Lil Ms. Cutie Pie Oscar Nominee Annie Hathaway is getting her drag on playing Viola in Twelfth Night in the Public Theater's Shakespeare in the Park this summer. Smarty-pants, multi-talented Annie, who's well on her way to becoming a full-fledged Lesbo icon just might seal the deal once audiences get a load her sporting facial hair and a poet's shirt and faux romancing a woman.
Of course reteaming with Devil Wears Prada co-star Emily Blunt in a Victorian-era lesbian love story would do the trick too!
