After months of taunting and teasing the lesbians on with slowly released promo shots of Evan Rachel Wood as Queen Sophie-Anne, True Blood's ancient and well-preserved lesbian vampire queen, the waiting was over as of Sunday night and I all I can say is, "eh."
Through no fault of Wood's it's safe to say that True Blood, or hopefully just Sunday's episode, did less fang banging than it did jumping a school of sharks. A show that every week has millions on the edge of their couches drooling in anticipation of each flex of Jason Stackhouse's and Tara's deltoids, each one of fledgling vampire Jessica's bloody tears and each shot of Sookie's pert cleavage, turned into a humorless vamp movie meets over-the-top zombie flick with all of the cheese and none of the camp. This was an episode not eve Lafayette could save!
Following last week's first glimpse of what appeared to be Wood's pristine ankle adorned with a single, perfect drip of blood, True Blood opened this week with vampire Bill happening upon Queen Sophia mid-snacking on the lovely Lindsay Haun.
Just because a 1,000-year plus vampire queen gnaws on nubile females it doesn't make her a full-on lesbian. I dare say, Queen Sophie-Anne is less lesbian vampire queen and more pansexual voyeur with a bent toward hot girls and a penchant for boy on boy gnawing and porn, which is fine too.
Between dragged out scenes of saucer-eyed zombie-like hicks trolling Bon Temps -- while Sookie was wasted in half the episode astride a fat-ass Maryann disciple attempting to fight him off on her granny's kitchen floor--the show cut to Queen Sophie-Anne tormenting Bill by forcing him to entertain her with a game of Yahtzee and by feeding on a young man, while occasionally hinting at how to beat Maryann the Maenad.
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Aside from mowing down on - and I don't mean the good way - her girl, Sophie-Anne's only other hint at lesbianism was her invitation to Bill to have sex, followed by the "Wood-en" delivery of the line "Joke. I haven't enjoyed sex with men since the Eisenhower administration."
While my jury is mostly out on Wood since she's poised to join True Blood for another season, her lines and delivery appeared as though she'd accidentally walked off the set of a Diablo Cody, earnestly-hip, solipsistic tween flick. But with one more episode to go and her first appearance occurring in an otherwise shark-jumping episode, I'm willing to give Wood the benefit of showing up to the True Blood party at its most awkward moment.
The Thirteen and Across the Universe alumna certainly looked the part of an ancient pale beauty, and her Lolita, peering over the vintage sunglasses moment was inspired.
At the episode's close, the Queen left us with the notion that she'd like to meet Sookie! Now, if only she can turn Anna Paquin's TB alter ego, and I don't mean into a vampire.
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