It's Not Okay to Be Jealous Because Your Partner Is Bi

I was once a person who was (extra) jealous of my bisexual partners. While I've only had three in my life, I'd somehow justified in my head that it was okay to be jealous with all three because I felt that I had more competition while dating them. Unlike my gay partners, they were attracted also to women, which meant that if a woman was attracted to them in return, my position as their partner could be threatened. Clearly, you can tell I was a confident and logical person.

All joking aside, I'm probably far from the only person who has ever felt this way. Whether we want to admit it or not, the queer community does a good job of projecting insecurities onto bisexual people. Because they're attracted to people of the same gender and people of any other different gender, we feel as if they're not "gay enough" and that at any moment they could up and leave us for the opposite sex. I can't speak for everyone, of course, but maybe what we really fear is that a person would leave us for a person of the opposite sex because they'd be significantly more accepted by the world. And who wouldn't want to live life without a little less scrutiny?

Regardless of insecurities and worries, this thought process is completely unfair to bisexuals. When has it ever been acceptable to project our insecurities onto someone else? This might not seem like an important issue to everyone, but it is. The LGBTQ community includes bisexual people, and they, like everyone else, deserve the understanding, validation, and support that other members of the community receive.

Jealousy starts as simple enough, but really what ends up happening is that we fear bisexual people aren't really invested in the community. We start to think stereotypical things about them in percentages and future plans that they've never even discussed. Do they like men and women 50/50? How many men have they dated? Do they ultimately want to marry a woman? Is this just a phase for them?

What it comes down to is the need to stop excusing biphobic jealousy under the guise of emotional vulnerability. Jealousy is not an easy habit to quit, but at the very least, you need to be jealous for the right reasons and then respond and grow accordingly to get away from them. Don't let preconceived, ignorant notions about bisexuals discourage you from talking openly with your partner. Jealousy is rarely something we can solve alone, so please, talk to your partner and let them know how you feel.

Perhaps even better, try to create a safe space where you can ask them questions about their bisexuality. Don't jump to conclusions or make generalizations, though. Rather, you should give them the space to define their sexuality to you.

Obviously, there's no one-size-fits-all solution for this sort of thing. All you can really do is your best, and have an open mind and heart. In the end, if you allow yourself to stay jealous out of ignorance, you will ultimately be adding to the stigma that continues to plague bisexuals, and that doesn't make you a productive member of the community.