Here are the signs you might be bisexual, say experts

Here are the signs you might be bisexual, according to experts

Figuring out your orientation can be scary, but we got you!

Congratulations on possibly being bi. We might have haters, but it’s oh-so-fun.

That being said, figuring out your identity, especially when it’s in the more nuanced and greyer area, can be scary and stressful. There is absolutely no rush, and you’re allowed to take all the time you need. Because, in part, understanding your identity when it lands somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale can be a bit of a journey — but one worth taking.

“The only person who can name your sexual identity is you. Most folks when coming out will try on every letter of the alphabet mafia before settling on an identity that feels true to them,”Anne-Marie Zanzal, M.Div., coming out coach tells PRIDE “It is not about anything being different or more, it is about deciding what kind of partner will meet our emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual needs.”

While some people may know right away that they are bi or pan, others take longer to understand — and their feelings may even change over time, Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist and relationship therapist tells PRIDE. “It’s common to feel that your sexuality is ‘floating’ from time to time, based on people and situations, something that’s another thing making it more difficult to know how you really feel.”

Also complicating the coming out process are outside forces, prejudices, and misunderstandings. “For example, bi folks in our society are sometimes seen as confused, going through a phase, promiscuous, straddling both sides because ‘they want their cake and eat it too,’”Dr. Frankie Bashan, board-certified sex therapist, clinical psychologist, professional matchmaker, and founder of Little Gay Book tells PRIDE.

Also, bi and pan folks are often “subject to hypersexualization and objectification, fueled by stereotypes and fantasies that portray bisexuality/pansexuality as a form of sexual entertainment for others. This can lead to the invalidation of their identities, erasure of their emotional experiences, and contribute to a hostile or dismissive environment.”Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, ATR-BC, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Take Root Therapy tells PRIDE. And this can be highly damaging. “Research also suggests that bisexual/pansexual women may experience higher rates of intimate partner violence compared to their heterosexual and lesbian counterparts. ”

But perhaps even more challenging is facing those feelings of confusion and invalidation when they are internal. “The fluidity inherent in these identities can feel empowering but also lead to questions about authenticity, especially since some people may assume bi or pan individuals are 'confused' or going through a phase,”Jillian Amodio,licensed social worker LMSW at Waypoint Wellness Center tells PRIDE.

Eek! Ok that does sound a bit scary, but seeing the problem is the first step to overcoming it and happily and proudly embracing your bisexual identity — which is amazing by the way. And remember, the labels you use to describe your orientation are allowed to grow and evolve with you. But finding the right words that fit your sexuality is incredibly empowering, as is the community that comes with it. So, a little help never hurts!

Still, feeling confused? No worries, here’s how the experts say you’ll know if you're bi or pan.

1. You're conflicted by your feelings

Before we even get close to knowing our feelings, it's likely you'll go through some major confusion before you figure it out. This can be especially complicated for bi folks who are assigned male at birth says Lurie. That conflict can sometimes be a sign of your sexuality emerging.

"Those who are assigned male at birth can often experience a notable resistance to acknowledging or exploring their attractions to people who aren’t of the opposite gender," says Lurie. "This resistance is caused by societal pressure and traditional gender norms that discourage men from exploring or expressing attractions beyond heterosexuality. Therefore, this hesitation or resistance can be a signal that those desires exist and that that person might need time, self-reflection, and a safe environment to fully recognize and embrace their sexuality."

The good news is this is often just a phase, and it's the only part of your journey that can be classified as such! The inner conflict is placed on you by society, and your feelings can be especially confusing if you grew up in a more traditional household or have spent most of your life attracted to only one gender.

2. You watch porn with all genders...and want to act on it

There was a study that (in my opinion, incorrectly) assessed that all women are bisexual because they experience arousal from watching lesbian porn, even if they identify as straight. Look, we’re animals. If you’re a sexual person presented with sexual stimuli, it’s probably going to turn you on. However, if when watching it you found curiosity burning in your, well, chest (and other parts), that might be a sign of something deeper says Roos.

"Many people who later realized they’re bi or pan started by just watching gay porn in phases where that made them way more turned on than hetero porn (and when looking back, this was the first sign of their sexuality), but that they out of shame or denial just said to themselves that they were too horny and justifying them not being bi or pan with that they never could have a relationship with someone of both genders," she explains.

So, if watching erotic videos of straight sex and queer sex all turn you on, and you want to act on it rather than just watch it, you might be bisexual.

3. Your sex dreams are bisexual AF

Even if you're not consciously ready to acknowledge your bisexuality, your subconscious may be. Roos says it's common for your dreams to offer clues about your true desires. "When we sleep, the subconscious tends to show up, and if you often dream about being intimate or having romantic relationships with different genders, then that can mean you should at least discover it to find out what it feels like outside of your dreams! Because the dreams often tell the truth to someone where their queer sexuality is deep down," she explains.